Regret
by cosmicroses
Summary: Possible 50th Anniversary Spoilers, Read At Your Own Risk.
1. Nightmare

_**WARNING:**_**The following introduction has a MAJOR 50th anniversary SPOILER. The story doesn't have any obvious or major spoilers, but if I were you I'd still wait to read it. Continue at your own risk. **

_Hello!_

_This is one of the first fan fiction stories I've written, so go a little bit easy on me (though I would appreciate constructive criticism, be it through a review or a PM). _

_The following story is from meta-crisis 10's perspective, who does not know he didn't actually blow up Gallifrey. This story will be about his regret, and at the moment it's a one timer. However, if it gets enough positive reviews and people like it I do have other chapters written that I am willing to post. _

_Enjoy!_

* * *

He lay on the cold bed, strangled by the sweaty sheets, his eyes blurred with tears. He never cried, but the feelings had washed over him so aggressively, so quickly, so passionately that the only way he felt they could escape was through cold tears rolling down his cheeks.

Everything he was, everything he stood for, all of his promises seemed miniscule and broken. He was no longer the man he had intended to be, that man was replaced with a heartless monster who killed millions at the push of a big, red button. His dreams were haunted with visions of the people he had heartlessly murdered, and the children.

Oh, the children. They haunted him the most.

How could he ever claim to be the man he used to be? How could he once again proudly own his title, his promise? How could he keep on lying, trying to hard to forget the man he had become?  
Sure, he could tell himself that the man who pushed the button wasn't the Doctor. But that, that was one of the biggest lies he could utter. If that man wasn't the Doctor, neither was he.

All of his comforting lies that he told himself, such as that mistake had caused him to save many other planets, were all forgotten when he remembered the children.

When he closed his eyes, he saw them. He saw them giggling as they played together, their innocent laughter gently ringing through the air. He saw them holding hands as they ran through the fields, squealing with joy. He could see them telling each other stories, oblivious to the dark world that awaited them. He could see them dreaming, the possibilities of their futures bouncing around in their little heads.

Then, a flash. And the visions changed. He could hear their terrifying screams that sent shivers down his spine and caused his hearts to start pounding. He could hear them whimpering in fear and see them clutching their parents as they ducked into an alleyway, fear running through their veins as they hid. He could hear them shaking their heads and begging for mercy as the Daleks surrounded them with looks of utter terror that should never be seen on a child's naïve face.

He could see their parents, too. He could see them clutching their cold children in their arms, sobbing as they wished it was they who died instead.

He had killed them.

All at the push of a bloody red button.

"Again?" his beautiful wife whispered, awakening him from his dream. She was standing above him, a look of concern on her face. Her beautiful blonde hair had grown longer, her belly round with an obvious baby bump even though she was merely 4 months along.

"They get worse every night."


	2. At What Cost?

_Hello all!_

_So originally I thought that even if I got good reviews I would wait at least a week to post another chapter, but I figured it's thanksgiving (if you live in America) so I thought why not post another chapter today. I'm feeling very giving._

_Also, thank you to those who reviewed the first chapter. I honestly didn't think anybody would, so I really appreciate it!_

_This chapter has mostly dialogue, but the next chapter has a little less talking and a lot more descriptions._

_Hopefully you enjoy this one just as much as the first._

* * *

"They get worse every night," he whispered as Rose sat on the edge of his bed, wiping a tear from his cheek. She placed her hands gently on her stomach, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

"This has to stop," she told him, tears streaming down her own cheeks now, "It has to stop before he is born."

He looked down at his wife's belly, then back up to his wife, "I try so hard, Rose. So hard. I try to forget, but I killed them… 2.47 billion children. Innocent, beautiful children like our soon to be son."

"To save the rest of the universe," she reminded him, "Including me and our child."

"But at what cost?" he retorted, "To live with this extreme regret for the rest of my life?"

She shook her head, "No, remember all the planets your action saved. It's exactly what ignited the flame that led you to save all of those innocent people, including me."  
"In the end," he remarked, "I only killed my own kind. It was meant that the Daleks were gone as well, maybe it would've lessened the pain. But the fact that the Daleks survived and not my own kind? It makes it all the worse."

"Think of the reputation you have now, though. Think of all the people who dream of seeing your TARDIS, like that one man who tried to hook up with my mother… though maybe he didn't go about it the right way."

They both chuckled at this, slightly lightening the mood.

"I only wish," he murmured, "I only wish I could talk to myself one more time. If Gallifrey wasn't gone the other me could've traveled across universes and saved you."  
"But then you wouldn't be mortal," she gently cooed, "And we couldn't raise a family together like we are now."

"True," he replied.

"I think this is enough of this conversation for now," she sighed, gently standing up. Just as he was about to reply a look of complete awe spread across her face, her hands flying to her stomach.

"What?" he exclaimed, hopping out of bed in alarm. Was the baby okay?

"The baby-" she began.

"I'll take you to the hospital," he insisted, grabbing her arm. She pushed him away, giggling now.

"No, no," she smiled, "He's kicking."

She took his hands and placed it on her stomach, both of them smiling widely. Then, he felt it.

A kick.

Feeling his child's foot on his hands was one of the most beautiful experiences he could ever, or would ever have. It was as if he was awakened from a foggy and musty dream, tears springing in the corners of his eyes. His child, their child, she was having a baby.

Their beautiful baby boy.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing her gently on the lips.

"I love you too."


End file.
